Have you ever had one of those days where something was almost perfect...but not quite? It almost made sense...but not quite. You almost had a perfect day at work...but not quite. You almost paid all your bills on time...but not quite. You almost didn't get in an argument with anyone today...but not quite.
Or....maybe you're one of those where everything seems to go wrong. You have a perfect driving record but it's the guy behind you that rams you, pushing you into the car in front and beside you, then drives off. You had time to pick up Stabucks for you and your coworkers but because of the jerk behind you is now covered all over your new pants, in the floorboard of your newly washed car and of course you have a presentation that morning at work...but you left your cell phone at home. And all you can do is throw your hands up in the air and scream (maybe with a few expletives) "MAN...story of my life?!?!?!?!"
Anyone? Sorry if I have brought up any hidden memories...
Well...I do have days like both of these...sometimes months long...the other night was one such night...but it fell in the almost perfect night...
Last saturday the girls and I went out to celebrate Allyson's birthday in Dallas (Happy Brithday Joe!!!! - sorry that's my nickname for her, don't ask me why, just is). Ally likes to celebrate month long fiestas so we were kicking b-day weekend off right by doing some shopping at the lovely Northpark Mall and then grabbing dinner.
After a most enjoyable day at the mall and hitting one of my all time fav stores...MAC...(where you get to play in makeup for hours and of course play guess the sex of the makeup artist. Not gonna lie...always a blast. And after several years in the makeup industry I usually win...) we headed over to The Cheesecake Factory.
While waiting for a table we hung out in the bar area where you not only get to watch the baseball game but do some entertaining people-watching. We like to play 1st date or last date...anyone else enjoy that?! So much fun!!!!
Finally a table opens up and we make a run for it. We throw our purses down and start climbing in our chairs when the guy at the table next to ours leans over and says, "Ummm...you know this table is taken right?!" I'm like, "What?!?!" (not a patient person in general but lack of food makes it worse) He says back..."Just kidding!" and we all laughed. A few minutes later he leans over and asks for contact solution. Random...or pick up line??? Wait and see...
Throughout the entire night we totally hit it off with this table of guys. There were three of us and three of them...perfect right?! Wait and see...
They kept chatting with us all night...they drank their fruity froo-froo drinks dressed in all white (not even exaggerating) while we enjoyed our sweet tea and red velvet cheesecake lookin mighty hott in our cute dresses (again...not even exaggerating). We cheered for the Rangers while they took pictures of themselves and giggled...
They busted a move when Last Dance came on while we...who am I kidding...while we busted a move too!
Anyone seeing a pattern here????
Yep...all three played for the other team...and I don't mean the Boston Red Sox!!!! Apparently girls night out was a common theme that night...
I'm tellin ya...it was soooo close...would have been perfect...right?!?! But nope...story of our lives. However it didn't stop us from having a good time with them. We had an impromptu dance and picture party and somewhere floating around out there are pictures of us...altho we're pretty sure they took our picture only to pick our outfits a part when they got in the car. :)
Someday it won't be an almost...it just will be...
Friday, August 20, 2010
Thursday, August 12, 2010
got milk?
Oh my goodness…where did summer go?!?! I feel horrible that the last time I actually blogged was almost 2 months ago. I don’t know about you, but July just about did me in. August hasn’t been so grand either, but I feel that my head is at least staying above water regularly. And I have officially decided that I am over 100 degree heat. I’m ready for fall. I thought I would at least like to be in a swimsuit this summer, but nope, no way. I’m ready for cooler weather (in Texas that means I’ll be quite happy to see 80), pumpkin spice lattes, running outside without feeling the need to pass out in my neighbor’s yard, seeing the leaves change colors for a day…green to brown—you know Texas Fall. :)
To give you a recap, back at the beginning of July, I did something some might say is a little out of character for me…when in all actuality, if you know me at all, it’s most definitely me. Let me go ahead and forewarn you the pictures below aren’t very pretty…but very much a “she’s a pretty girl” moment.
So back at the beginning of July, I went to my church’s Jr. High camp with my roomies. Britt, being in charge, was already down there, so my sis and I headed down Friday night after work. I guess I should say up since it’s Oklahoma—never do get that right! Unfortunately, on the ride up, I wasn’t feeling the best, so I was kind of on the blah side most of camp. By around Sunday night I started feeling back to myself, but was bummed because I hadn’t really had a chance to bond with the kids, or experience any of the game time with them. What to do…what to do…
Monday afternoon I’m sitting in the lodge with the other staff members enjoying some chips and salsa, when our Jr. High pastor and his intern start talking about the “Gallon Challenge.” For those that aren’t aware, this is where you chug a gallon of milk in an hour. It’s virtually impossible to do without it making a magical reappearance…if you know what I mean.
Anyways, Marshall (intern) has already nominated himself and they are trying to figure out who would do it against him. Keith (Jr. High pastor) nonchalantly asks me, “Hey Ash…wanna do it?” (insert laughter as a “yeah right” from all the other parties). As I’m stuffing my face, “Sure.” “WHAT?!?! Are you serious?!?!” “Why not?” “You do know you’ll throw up, right?” “Yep…kinda regretting the chips and salsa right now, but hey…why not…just let me change clothes.” After getting over his shock and verifying over and over again that I was serious, we move forward with the challenge.
My sister, who has learned not to be surprised over these kind of things says, “First of all, you have never been more like your father in this moment (my dad was a youth minister and has been known to do quite a few things for shock factor) and second of all, I have never been more proud of you in my life.” I told you my family was a bit sick and twisted.
After changing clothes, I go outside for the challenge, and there are like 10 kids. I tell Keith, “You had better get a bigger crowd than that because yes, I’ll do it, but there ain’t no way I’m doing it without a crowd…because throwing up for the sake of throwing up…nope…ain’t happenin’.”
They gather a crowd and on the count of three the challenge begins. I should probably tell you at this point, I’m lactose intolerant. Yep, not my smartest move…but there’s something in me that just can’t turn down a good challenge…especially against a boy. Underneath all this class and style is still the tomboy that played soccer with the boys, caught salamanders in the gutter, climbed trees and went fishing. At one point, when I was about 10, covered in mud with band aids all over my legs my dad just rolled his eyes and said in exasperation, “You’re never going to be able to wear a skirt again, your legs are going to be scarred for life!” Naw…I turned out quite fine, and can still rock a mini :)
Oh, and yes, I did beat the boy.
The responses I received after it was all said and done included:
• “OMG…that’s disgusting!”
• “I have never had more respect for you in my life!”
• “I am so proud of you!”
• “You do know people on Facebook will see this, right?”
• “And you’re single, why?”
• “I am so in love with you right now.”
• “I have never seen someone throw up with so much class.”
Why you ask would I do something like that? Well…shock factor mostly, nobody expects a classy, 30 year old, 5 foot 3, 100 and something pound woman to do something like that (little did they know I’ve won my fair share of burping contests). Second of all, makes a great experience for the kids…teaches them to not take life so seriously, to get out there and take risks…and more importantly…LAUGH AT YOURSELF!!! And wouldn’t we all like to go back and repeat Jr. High with this knowledge? Ok, maybe not. I just broke out in hives thinking about going back.
Go take some risks this week…and more importantly, when you trip and fall, dribble a little water down your chin, shoot coffee out your nose or enter yourself in a Gallon Challenge…be sure and laugh at yourself! : )
WARNING…pictures and video might cause nausea...
and so it begins...
not the prettiest...
comparing...
tuning out the sounds...
didn't work...
YES!!!
slightly proud of the conquest :)http://www.ampedjrhigh.com/run_blog
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
are ju married?
I don’t know if my single friends can relate to this, but in a week, how many times are you asked the question in some form or fashion, “Why aren’t you married yet?” I mean seriously, how are you supposed to really answer that?
Ash-a-ley, you look so jung! I harley recnize ju! I mean, so jung! Ju look, I don’t know…so jung! How old are ju?
(laughter) I’m 30
(gasp) Oh my guudness…ju don’t look 30…ju look so jung! Are ju married?
(laughter with cringing) Thank you, but no, I’m not married yet.
(bigger gasp) Ash-a-ley, ju hab to get married and hab chilren, NOW!
(hesitated laughter) I will, I will…
(puts arm around me) No, I’m serrus, ju hab to start habbing chilren…ju are on…well…men day can hab chilren till day are like 80…but ju…no…ju hab to soon. (now has gone off into fully speaking Spanish)
(not making eye contact, uncomfortable with long-lasting side hug) Yes, I know, I know…it will happen.
Ju cannot find a good man?
(now feeling the need to fully embrace her and wimper) No, no I can’t Maria…
It will happen…jes…dis I know…in my hart ub harts…jes…it will happen for ju.
(now fully embracing) Thank you Maria! Thank you! Yes, yes it will!!!!
Hang tight my friends…and I pray you find a Maria to encourage you today! Even if you’re married or single. We all need a little encouragement sometimes! : )
- “Ummm…not feelin’ it right now.”
- “Ask God, see what He says.”
- “Loser isn’t really my style.”
And to quote my cousin, which literally made me laugh out loud, and you may not understand, because our family is a little weird, some might even say sick and twisted:
- "I love that question (said with much sarcasm). As if you're supposed to have a reason. Ridiculous. Actually, you should come up with some entirely off the wall response like, 'Because I eat rocks.’ or ‘Because there hasn’t been a full moon on my birthday yet!’ If they ask for an explanation, just shake your head, sigh, and say, ‘You wouldn’t understand.’"
I mean, it’s not a, “I want your pity” thing, I’m quite fine where I’m at in life. But I think society thinks if you’re not married by a certain age there must be something wrong with you. Believe me, I’ve had my doubts about myself too…but at the end of the day…you have to believe God has a bigger plan in all this and there’s a reason. And thank God I didn’t get married when I thought I was ready and to who I wanted to marry…Geeze Louise…I’d be in the loony bin by now.
I know I’m not the only that must get annoyed, even MSN put out an article, 19 Things You Should Never Say To A Single Person. And if it’s on the internet, it’s legit! This list included several lovely one-liners that I know we all have heard over the years:
- “There are more fish out in the sea”—really, am I just frequenting the Dead Sea???
- “It happens when you’re not looking”—yeah, I call BS on that one…because I’ve met some real winners when I wasn’t looking. And by winners…I mean losers.
- “Have you tried online dating?”—oh yes, because online is where people are really honest about themselves.
- “But you’re so pretty, why don’t you have a boyfriend?”—is that code for, “it must be her personality.”
I mentioned in my previous post that I had a little chat with Maria at McAlister’s last week. She is seriously one of the sweetest people you will ever meet. Although I’m kicking myself for not taking Spanish in high school—I chose French. Really, Ashley?!? So I walked in on Friday, keep in mind I had just come in town from a business trip late Thursday night, so on Friday, I chose super casual day. We always have jeans-day on Friday, but this time around I went for the jeans and flip-flops route. I know…I know…don’t judge me too much. I walk in and she comes and gives me a big hug and seemed surprised to see me dressed liked that.
Ash-a-ley, you look so jung! I harley recnize ju! I mean, so jung! Ju look, I don’t know…so jung! How old are ju?
(laughter) I’m 30
(gasp) Oh my guudness…ju don’t look 30…ju look so jung! Are ju married?
(laughter with cringing) Thank you, but no, I’m not married yet.
(bigger gasp) Ash-a-ley, ju hab to get married and hab chilren, NOW!
(hesitated laughter) I will, I will…
(puts arm around me) No, I’m serrus, ju hab to start habbing chilren…ju are on…well…men day can hab chilren till day are like 80…but ju…no…ju hab to soon. (now has gone off into fully speaking Spanish)
(not making eye contact, uncomfortable with long-lasting side hug) Yes, I know, I know…it will happen.
Ju cannot find a good man?
(now feeling the need to fully embrace her and wimper) No, no I can’t Maria…
It will happen…jes…dis I know…in my hart ub harts…jes…it will happen for ju.
(now fully embracing) Thank you Maria! Thank you! Yes, yes it will!!!!
Hang tight my friends…and I pray you find a Maria to encourage you today! Even if you’re married or single. We all need a little encouragement sometimes! : )
Friday, June 25, 2010
dog-sitting and chick-fil-a
I’ve lost the funny…well…kinda. I don’t think you ever lose it…I just think it gets suppressed sometimes. Anybody feel me?!?!
Unfortunately, no “pretty girl” moments…however, my uncle did text me last week to inform me my previous post was made even funnier by a misspelled word. Instead of saying “spatially-challenged”, I said “specially-challenged” in the first paragraph. Wow...what the power of a couple of letters has to change a word…gotta love it! I didn’t change it…gives the story even more character…right?!?!
And I’ve also had some pretty insightful revelations these past two weeks. Between visits to Chick-fil-a (free Spicy Chicken Sandwich…holla!) and dog-sitting, I have however learned the hard way I am not ready for a family quite yet. Dog-sitting has revealed I don’t like checking in with someone and I don’t like sharing my bed with somebody larger than me…I’m on the right track…ehhh??? And Chick-fil-a…wow…I have anxiety just thinking about it right now. From the moment you walk in the door it’s a Germfest Convention for barefoot two year olds with sticky fingers in there…yikes!
Don’t get me wrong…I can’t wait to meet the man of my dreams, in fact, Britt (roomie) and I were talking about the new song, Airplanes (B.o.B and Paramour chick), that has a line in it that says: "Can we pretend that airplanes in the night sky are like shooting stars because I could really use a wish right now." So in that moment, we saw an airplane and she said, “What’s your wish?” Without even thinking about it, I popped off with, “I wish to be romantically swept off my feet.” She just sat there for a moment and said… “Wow, I really like how you worded that.” So you see, I want what every girl wants, but I know it all happens in the right timing…and well…with other factors…
Dealing with…well I don’t have a lady-like word right now and Mom will STILL wash my mouth out with soap...let’s just say dealing with less than gentle-manly men has made me even more firey and ferociously passionate about praying in godly men. Between run-ins with Gym Boy (BTW I deleted that post for reasons I may share at some point) and some very real and honest conversations with others has made me realize there are way too many godly girls out there…WAY TOO MANY…who are single and have their junk together but have yet to meet an equally-yoked match, and unfortunately, they are not here yet. I do not mean that as a slam to my guy friends, but it’s just strictly a numbers thing, the good girls out-number the good guys. So what that means is it’s my/our duty to pull out some James 5:16 and deal with the issue by praying the good ones in or the bad ones good...more on that at a later date...and no, I am not endorsing "missionary dating" so go ahead and put the tomahawk down. :)
Right now God has me in a completely different season, and as much as it cringes me to say, I’m sure somewhere down the road I will be a part of the Germfest Convention at Chick-fil-a. In the mean time…I shall enjoy the drive-thru and preparing myself for that day…it’s gonna take a lot of prayer, mental preparation and anti-bacterial for this OCD girl…
PS: Post coming soon from my run-in with Maria at McAlisters’s (yes, I know them by name just as much as they know me by name): “Ash-a-ley…why aren’t jew married?!?! Jew hab to hurry and hab chillren…are jew taking jour bitamins?!?!”
Unfortunately, no “pretty girl” moments…however, my uncle did text me last week to inform me my previous post was made even funnier by a misspelled word. Instead of saying “spatially-challenged”, I said “specially-challenged” in the first paragraph. Wow...what the power of a couple of letters has to change a word…gotta love it! I didn’t change it…gives the story even more character…right?!?!
And I’ve also had some pretty insightful revelations these past two weeks. Between visits to Chick-fil-a (free Spicy Chicken Sandwich…holla!) and dog-sitting, I have however learned the hard way I am not ready for a family quite yet. Dog-sitting has revealed I don’t like checking in with someone and I don’t like sharing my bed with somebody larger than me…I’m on the right track…ehhh??? And Chick-fil-a…wow…I have anxiety just thinking about it right now. From the moment you walk in the door it’s a Germfest Convention for barefoot two year olds with sticky fingers in there…yikes!
Don’t get me wrong…I can’t wait to meet the man of my dreams, in fact, Britt (roomie) and I were talking about the new song, Airplanes (B.o.B and Paramour chick), that has a line in it that says: "Can we pretend that airplanes in the night sky are like shooting stars because I could really use a wish right now." So in that moment, we saw an airplane and she said, “What’s your wish?” Without even thinking about it, I popped off with, “I wish to be romantically swept off my feet.” She just sat there for a moment and said… “Wow, I really like how you worded that.” So you see, I want what every girl wants, but I know it all happens in the right timing…and well…with other factors…
Dealing with…well I don’t have a lady-like word right now and Mom will STILL wash my mouth out with soap...let’s just say dealing with less than gentle-manly men has made me even more firey and ferociously passionate about praying in godly men. Between run-ins with Gym Boy (BTW I deleted that post for reasons I may share at some point) and some very real and honest conversations with others has made me realize there are way too many godly girls out there…WAY TOO MANY…who are single and have their junk together but have yet to meet an equally-yoked match, and unfortunately, they are not here yet. I do not mean that as a slam to my guy friends, but it’s just strictly a numbers thing, the good girls out-number the good guys. So what that means is it’s my/our duty to pull out some James 5:16 and deal with the issue by praying the good ones in or the bad ones good...more on that at a later date...and no, I am not endorsing "missionary dating" so go ahead and put the tomahawk down. :)
Right now God has me in a completely different season, and as much as it cringes me to say, I’m sure somewhere down the road I will be a part of the Germfest Convention at Chick-fil-a. In the mean time…I shall enjoy the drive-thru and preparing myself for that day…it’s gonna take a lot of prayer, mental preparation and anti-bacterial for this OCD girl…
PS: Post coming soon from my run-in with Maria at McAlisters’s (yes, I know them by name just as much as they know me by name): “Ash-a-ley…why aren’t jew married?!?! Jew hab to hurry and hab chillren…are jew taking jour bitamins?!?!”
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
spatially-challenged
I don’t think I’ve mentioned I’m specially-challenged. That’s a nice way of saying I’m not very good at parking.
I drive great…well…maybe a little too fast as stated before…but the only problem I seem to have…and this has been a problem since day one of driving, is parking. I don’t know what it is…but I get panicky if the other person is over the line, touching the line or even an inch too close to the line. I have gotten myself “stuck” a time or two. Now one might ask, “How in the world do you get yourself stuck?” I’m not really sure I can answer that. All I know, my sister has been called a time or two to come get me out of the pickle I’ve gotten myself in to. I’ll play it out for you, so you can experience the emotions…
This particular instance happened in the Target parking lot. PS by the way, women there have been known to steal parking spots…gotta watch your back…just sayin. So one Sunday afternoon I decided to pop by Target and pick up a few things. I pull in the parking lot…and there is a prime spot right by the door. This said spot has a curb on one side and only one car on the other. That means I only have one car to worry about. The person is angled and a little too close to the line…but I attempt anyway. I start pulling in and then begin to panic I’ve cut it too short. So I start to back out and start over, but the way I’ve angled myself in there, it looks like I’m about to side swipe the car next to mine, hop the curb and possibly hit the car behind me. How you ask, I’m not really sure. Right about this time is when the heart rate increases, blood pressure rises, palms start sweating and I panic. It’s really quite silly. I call my sister, who has just lain down for a nap, and after begging and bribery, make her come help me. In the mean time, I am half way in/half way out of this parking place and people are staring. Some think I’m backing out, so they wait for me to get the spot, I have to wave them on. Others are waiting to walk behind, again I have to wave them on. Then others are just staring and pointing. Lovely. This is when I pretend I’m on a very important phone call…don’t judge…you know you’ve done it too, especially when you see someone in public you don’t want to talk to.
Finally Allyson comes, directs me and I get in the spot. She didn’t even say two words. It was all hand motion and of course eye-rolling. I get in the spot, she gets back in her car and I enjoy the rest of my afternoon in Target.
“she’s a pretty girl”
I drive great…well…maybe a little too fast as stated before…but the only problem I seem to have…and this has been a problem since day one of driving, is parking. I don’t know what it is…but I get panicky if the other person is over the line, touching the line or even an inch too close to the line. I have gotten myself “stuck” a time or two. Now one might ask, “How in the world do you get yourself stuck?” I’m not really sure I can answer that. All I know, my sister has been called a time or two to come get me out of the pickle I’ve gotten myself in to. I’ll play it out for you, so you can experience the emotions…
This particular instance happened in the Target parking lot. PS by the way, women there have been known to steal parking spots…gotta watch your back…just sayin. So one Sunday afternoon I decided to pop by Target and pick up a few things. I pull in the parking lot…and there is a prime spot right by the door. This said spot has a curb on one side and only one car on the other. That means I only have one car to worry about. The person is angled and a little too close to the line…but I attempt anyway. I start pulling in and then begin to panic I’ve cut it too short. So I start to back out and start over, but the way I’ve angled myself in there, it looks like I’m about to side swipe the car next to mine, hop the curb and possibly hit the car behind me. How you ask, I’m not really sure. Right about this time is when the heart rate increases, blood pressure rises, palms start sweating and I panic. It’s really quite silly. I call my sister, who has just lain down for a nap, and after begging and bribery, make her come help me. In the mean time, I am half way in/half way out of this parking place and people are staring. Some think I’m backing out, so they wait for me to get the spot, I have to wave them on. Others are waiting to walk behind, again I have to wave them on. Then others are just staring and pointing. Lovely. This is when I pretend I’m on a very important phone call…don’t judge…you know you’ve done it too, especially when you see someone in public you don’t want to talk to.
Finally Allyson comes, directs me and I get in the spot. She didn’t even say two words. It was all hand motion and of course eye-rolling. I get in the spot, she gets back in her car and I enjoy the rest of my afternoon in Target.
“she’s a pretty girl”
Thursday, May 27, 2010
i love speed
No…not the drug…but I bet it got your attention. However, I do love to drive fast. Always have, and probably always will. Quite frankly, I blame my parents, cuz it’s easier that way, but unfortunately they don’t pay for the tickets. The only way they could get me to sleep as a baby was driving me around in a car…and every family vacation has consisted of road trips, and getting there quickly. Beating our time was very important. So much so, my sister and I had cups thrown at us in the backseat to take care of business…thankfully my mom had mercy on us and Dad was forced to stop. However, I’ve had my fair share of shady truck stops. Because of this “need to speed” and to beat time, I now do my best to make as few stops as possible any time I go on a road trip.
I like to categorize myself as a good bad driver. Yeah, think about that for a minute. Wait for it…wait for it…got it? This basically means I drive somewhat over the speed limit, I have been known to tail a few people in my time and I most definitely like to weave in and out of lanes getting ahead. But, I’m good at it, so I’m not reckless to those around me—although that’s a personal opinion. My friends have learned to trust me—they don’t usually say anything—they know I can handle an SUV like a race car. But when I start weaving a little too much, and they start to go stiff and grab the handle above the door, that’s when I know I’m pushing it a little too much. I think I might have been a good race car driver. Makes sense, it runs in my genes—my mom used to drag race. If you know my mom at all, and didn’t know that little unknown fact, that would come as quite a shocker. She’s a cute little petite classy woman—but man…put her in a stick shift…Danika ain’t got nothin’ on her!
This past weekend the roomies and I headed to Beaumont for a wedding…so it was road trip time. I for one was VERY impressed with not only our mad navigating skillz but the time we made. I kept saying all weekend, “I am SO proud of us.” I don’t think Ally and Britt were as enthused, they were just grateful we reached land.
At one point, because of the crazy construction taking place around 45S/75S and the curvy roads, I took quite a sharp turn on an exit for Farm Road 150S. At this point, Britt grabbed the handle up above her, and just started praying out loud. I’m immune to how quickly I go, but when she goes stiff and starts grabbing things around her to remain upright, that’s when I know I should slow it down. She blamed me for her abs being sore from trying to stay upright for 5.5 hours there and back (actually, 5 hours, because I beat my time. I digress). So at this particular time, Britt says, “Thank you Jesus for your safety on the road, and I pray that you would continue to watch over us and keep us safe,” and right at that point, I took this curve and this HUGE, ginormous statue of Jesus was right in front of us. We all gasped, and I screamed out loud, “HE HEARD YOU!” We just died laughing and almost had to make an unplanned pit stop. Down below is “Jesus.” We snapped the pic on the way back, so it loses some of the bampow in the dark. Enjoy…and if you ever take 150S…know Jesus will be there. Happy Trails!
“she’s a pretty girl” on the road
I like to categorize myself as a good bad driver. Yeah, think about that for a minute. Wait for it…wait for it…got it? This basically means I drive somewhat over the speed limit, I have been known to tail a few people in my time and I most definitely like to weave in and out of lanes getting ahead. But, I’m good at it, so I’m not reckless to those around me—although that’s a personal opinion. My friends have learned to trust me—they don’t usually say anything—they know I can handle an SUV like a race car. But when I start weaving a little too much, and they start to go stiff and grab the handle above the door, that’s when I know I’m pushing it a little too much. I think I might have been a good race car driver. Makes sense, it runs in my genes—my mom used to drag race. If you know my mom at all, and didn’t know that little unknown fact, that would come as quite a shocker. She’s a cute little petite classy woman—but man…put her in a stick shift…Danika ain’t got nothin’ on her!
This past weekend the roomies and I headed to Beaumont for a wedding…so it was road trip time. I for one was VERY impressed with not only our mad navigating skillz but the time we made. I kept saying all weekend, “I am SO proud of us.” I don’t think Ally and Britt were as enthused, they were just grateful we reached land.
At one point, because of the crazy construction taking place around 45S/75S and the curvy roads, I took quite a sharp turn on an exit for Farm Road 150S. At this point, Britt grabbed the handle up above her, and just started praying out loud. I’m immune to how quickly I go, but when she goes stiff and starts grabbing things around her to remain upright, that’s when I know I should slow it down. She blamed me for her abs being sore from trying to stay upright for 5.5 hours there and back (actually, 5 hours, because I beat my time. I digress). So at this particular time, Britt says, “Thank you Jesus for your safety on the road, and I pray that you would continue to watch over us and keep us safe,” and right at that point, I took this curve and this HUGE, ginormous statue of Jesus was right in front of us. We all gasped, and I screamed out loud, “HE HEARD YOU!” We just died laughing and almost had to make an unplanned pit stop. Down below is “Jesus.” We snapped the pic on the way back, so it loses some of the bampow in the dark. Enjoy…and if you ever take 150S…know Jesus will be there. Happy Trails!
“she’s a pretty girl” on the road
Friday, May 21, 2010
i'm from texas
Last weekend I went to Durant, Oklahoma for my cousin’s graduation (proud of you Pookie!!!)...home of the Choctaw Casino (ahhhh yeah Baby!). That thing is quite mammoth…not that I would personally know.
After arriving in Durant Friday night and grabbing a quick dinner with the fam, we decide to drive into Sherman, TX to see Robin Hood…another great movie by the way! Sherman is the closest and nicest theater to Durant…about 30 minutes away. I've been told the one in Durant has been there since 1865, well probably not that long, but smells like it.
Now, let me forewarn and say I was completely exhausted…not that I think that will help my cause much, but maybe. We get to Sherman and the 9:15pm showing is sold out, and the next available one isn’t until 10:50pm. After talking my aunt into caffeining her up and making the 10:50pm, we head over to Books-A-Million where they have a little coffee shop inside. Every coffee shop has its own version and knock-off of the exact same thing as Starbucks, it’s just deciphering what it is on the menu. After staring at the menu for about 5 minutes, I decide on their version of a Carmel Macchiatto.
The sweet little girl behind the counter starts to ring me up and asks me in her best country twang if I have a Books-A-Million discount card. I kindly reply back with, “Oh no, I’m from out of town, sorry.” “Oh really, where ya from?” I immediately respond, “Texas.” This little girl just gives me the blankest stare…and the next thing I know, my aunt, sister and cousin are hysterically laughing from behind me…can’t even make full sentences they are laughing so hard—and start walking away out of embarrassment. I finally realize what I’ve done—we were IN Texas…even though 30 minutes PRIOR I had just been in Oklahoma. Didn’t count. I think that poor girl was just as confused as me…she had this look on her face that said, “I AM in Texas, right?!?”
Ahhh…yes…exhaustion and traveling back and forth between two states in less than 30 minutes…not good companions.
“she’s a pretty girl”
After arriving in Durant Friday night and grabbing a quick dinner with the fam, we decide to drive into Sherman, TX to see Robin Hood…another great movie by the way! Sherman is the closest and nicest theater to Durant…about 30 minutes away. I've been told the one in Durant has been there since 1865, well probably not that long, but smells like it.
Now, let me forewarn and say I was completely exhausted…not that I think that will help my cause much, but maybe. We get to Sherman and the 9:15pm showing is sold out, and the next available one isn’t until 10:50pm. After talking my aunt into caffeining her up and making the 10:50pm, we head over to Books-A-Million where they have a little coffee shop inside. Every coffee shop has its own version and knock-off of the exact same thing as Starbucks, it’s just deciphering what it is on the menu. After staring at the menu for about 5 minutes, I decide on their version of a Carmel Macchiatto.
The sweet little girl behind the counter starts to ring me up and asks me in her best country twang if I have a Books-A-Million discount card. I kindly reply back with, “Oh no, I’m from out of town, sorry.” “Oh really, where ya from?” I immediately respond, “Texas.” This little girl just gives me the blankest stare…and the next thing I know, my aunt, sister and cousin are hysterically laughing from behind me…can’t even make full sentences they are laughing so hard—and start walking away out of embarrassment. I finally realize what I’ve done—we were IN Texas…even though 30 minutes PRIOR I had just been in Oklahoma. Didn’t count. I think that poor girl was just as confused as me…she had this look on her face that said, “I AM in Texas, right?!?”
Ahhh…yes…exhaustion and traveling back and forth between two states in less than 30 minutes…not good companions.
“she’s a pretty girl”
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
turning lemons into lemonade
So, from my previous blog last week, you already know I have had a dead furnace on my front porch. Why I didn’t think to take a picture of it all this time is beyond me. I guess I was hoping to keep some of my pride in tack.
Last week my parents came in town for Mother’s Day and we celebrated at our house. As you know, we already bought a grill. Now this isn’t a mammoth size grill, this is one of those girly size grills—that once lit, the flames don’t have the ability to reach your eyebrows, just your arm hair. Once my dad got it set up, we were looking around our house for something to set it up on, to make it more easily usable rather than squatting down on the ground. My dad started rummaging around in our garage, couldn’t find anything, then in a moment of brilliance, I shouted out, “THE FURNACE!”
This thing is ginormous, so much so it’s been impossible for us to move out to the curb in hopes that the trash man would pick it up. My dad and I go out to the front porch to have a look at it, and he says it’s perfect since it’s solid metal. We grab a dolly and start moving that thing to the back porch (all while in heels I might add)—and it works perfectly, as you can see down below. Please notice the bungee cords holding it in place…I’m tellin’ ya…we bring class to trash.
Ladies and Gentlemen…that’s how you turn lemons into really good steak.
“she’s a pretty girl” at the grill
Last week my parents came in town for Mother’s Day and we celebrated at our house. As you know, we already bought a grill. Now this isn’t a mammoth size grill, this is one of those girly size grills—that once lit, the flames don’t have the ability to reach your eyebrows, just your arm hair. Once my dad got it set up, we were looking around our house for something to set it up on, to make it more easily usable rather than squatting down on the ground. My dad started rummaging around in our garage, couldn’t find anything, then in a moment of brilliance, I shouted out, “THE FURNACE!”
This thing is ginormous, so much so it’s been impossible for us to move out to the curb in hopes that the trash man would pick it up. My dad and I go out to the front porch to have a look at it, and he says it’s perfect since it’s solid metal. We grab a dolly and start moving that thing to the back porch (all while in heels I might add)—and it works perfectly, as you can see down below. Please notice the bungee cords holding it in place…I’m tellin’ ya…we bring class to trash.
Ladies and Gentlemen…that’s how you turn lemons into really good steak.
“she’s a pretty girl” at the grill
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
stiletto in the...head
This particular instance happened on Mother’s Day. We had just spent an amazing day with my parents, celebrating my mom. They came in town and we took my mom shopping, then they came over to our house and we grilled out—we bought our first grill (I feel so grown up now!). I’ve also decided my parents need to come over more often so I can have a cleaner house on a regular basis. Either that, or hire a maid. Haven’t decided which.
Anyways…after my dad put the grill together for us (hey, I said I FEEL so grown up), we enjoyed a nice dinner then decided to head to see Robert Downey Jr., I mean, Iron Man 2. Great movie by the way. We got there 30 minutes before and picked out great seats. Now, one of my greatest pet peeves is people who show up late and then come and sit near or around us and talk loudly—oh, and people who bring their loud whiny children. Good news, both happened in the same theater. Now, let me give you a little bit of background on my family and movie theaters. Not sure what it is, but these types of situations always, always seem to happen to us and threats of, “Let’s take this outside,” seem to make an appearance as well. All we wanted to do was go see a movie…is that so bad?!?! (PS by the way, there will be a post coming soon of my involvement in a particular theater exchange not so long ago…I’ve had to build up to it).
So this particular instance, we’d been there sitting, waiting, laughing and enjoying ourselves. The previews finally start, and we put our feet up on the seat in front of us because the theater is HUGE and hardly anyone is there. Next thing I know, this kid jumps from our row, over the seats in front of us and yells at his buddies that these seats are better and plows down in the seat in front of me. And I mean, PLOWS. I’ve never seen someone sit down so hard and fast before. Only problem is, I don’t think he saw my foot there (and I didn’t have time to move it) and my stiletto NAILED him in the back of the head. Guy jumps up in pain and starts throwing a little bit of a fit and then my dad has to step in and defend my honor, and then the guy leaves rubbing the back of his head not knowing what hit him. In the mean time, my sister has her face covered and has made a vow to never go to another movie with her family again—whilst my mom and I couldn’t stop laughing and my dad’s blood pressure has risen to a dangerous level. Ahh…good times…good times. So hey, who wants to go to a movie tonight?!?! Any takers?
"she's a pretty girl" in stilettos
Anyways…after my dad put the grill together for us (hey, I said I FEEL so grown up), we enjoyed a nice dinner then decided to head to see Robert Downey Jr., I mean, Iron Man 2. Great movie by the way. We got there 30 minutes before and picked out great seats. Now, one of my greatest pet peeves is people who show up late and then come and sit near or around us and talk loudly—oh, and people who bring their loud whiny children. Good news, both happened in the same theater. Now, let me give you a little bit of background on my family and movie theaters. Not sure what it is, but these types of situations always, always seem to happen to us and threats of, “Let’s take this outside,” seem to make an appearance as well. All we wanted to do was go see a movie…is that so bad?!?! (PS by the way, there will be a post coming soon of my involvement in a particular theater exchange not so long ago…I’ve had to build up to it).
So this particular instance, we’d been there sitting, waiting, laughing and enjoying ourselves. The previews finally start, and we put our feet up on the seat in front of us because the theater is HUGE and hardly anyone is there. Next thing I know, this kid jumps from our row, over the seats in front of us and yells at his buddies that these seats are better and plows down in the seat in front of me. And I mean, PLOWS. I’ve never seen someone sit down so hard and fast before. Only problem is, I don’t think he saw my foot there (and I didn’t have time to move it) and my stiletto NAILED him in the back of the head. Guy jumps up in pain and starts throwing a little bit of a fit and then my dad has to step in and defend my honor, and then the guy leaves rubbing the back of his head not knowing what hit him. In the mean time, my sister has her face covered and has made a vow to never go to another movie with her family again—whilst my mom and I couldn’t stop laughing and my dad’s blood pressure has risen to a dangerous level. Ahh…good times…good times. So hey, who wants to go to a movie tonight?!?! Any takers?
"she's a pretty girl" in stilettos
Saturday, May 8, 2010
happy mother's day
I know…I know…two serious blogs within two weeks of each other. Allow me this one thing. So today I’m honoring the most important woman in my life…my mother… my hero…Dana Miller.
- She has stared breast cancer in the face and kicked it in the butt—all while remaining stylish. February 24 we celebrated 1 year! She’s the only person I’ll wear pink for.
- She is adventurous and daring…and I love having a partner in crime! We have a goal of one day participating in The Amazing Race.
- She is a mighty, mighty prayer warrior! If this woman is praying for you…fire falls down! In fact, every single one of my friends over the years has been prayed for by her on a daily basis. I have heard numerous times, “Ok, I’m adding them to my prayer list.”
- She has this eerie sixth sense. Discernment doesn’t even begin to describe it! Used to drive me CRAZY as a kid because I couldn’t get away with anything—but now as an adult—she calls at the right time and knows when she’s needed. It doesn’t matter how old you are…moms just know what to say at the right moment.
- She is the epitome of beauty, grace, class and style.
- I love fashion, shoes and shopping because of her—“Beauty is pain, baby” started at a very young age. She is still hands down my favorite shopping partner. It’s amazing all that you can accomplish in 8 hours in one mall with an Orange Julius.
- She is not just my mother, she is my best friend. A day very rarely goes by that we don’t check in with each other.
- She is wise, she is beautiful, she is strength. She is Proverbs 31.
- The way she loves, supports and respects my dad is such an incredible example to me—it has shown me what a godly wife is all about—I have some big shoes to fill one day.
- When my friends haven’t known a godly mom—she stepped in and “adopted” them as her own. I love that my friends call and text her and want her wisdom and advice. In fact, they’ve learned when I’m telling them about a situation or circumstance and I’m unclear of what to do, they always say, “What did your mom say?”
- Her text messages make me laugh. You have to know short hand in order to read them. But it doesn’t matter…if I see, “n Js nm amn” (in Jesus name amen)—that means I’m being prayed for.
- She is oh so very strong! She is a rock! She has endured and endured and continues to come out of the fire radiant.
- I love that she is firey, independent AND godly! She taught my sister and me at a very young age not to get caught up in girl drama and to not be afraid to be ourselves. It hasn’t been easy…but she was so right! And my favorite thing is there isn’t anything my dad would change about her…he LOVES that she is strong. I love to watch my parents interact. They may drive each other crazy with both of their quirks…but they are still as in love with each today as the day they were married…if not more!
- She saw my love for music at a young age and embraced it. We would sing and sing and sing together—and she went out of her way and sacrificed so I could be in piano and voice lessons. I’m sure she lost several pairs of shoes over that. ;)
- She began praying for me when I was in her womb…and knew even then the calling God had placed on my life and began fanning that into flame. In fact, I have a letter from her the day I was born (down below).
- I realized just 2 years ago what life might look without her…and it scared me. I needed her, I wanted her, I had so much to still learn from her! I am thankful to God for that wake-up call and that He has healed her and she will experience many, many more years on this earth passing on her wisdom not only as a mother, but a grandmother! I have learned…don’t sweat the small stuff!
- She has been my hair dresser for 30 years. No one else has touched my hair, and it shall remain that way. Thanks for putting up with me! :)
- She is amazingly creative. What she can do with paint, a sewing machine and a pair of scissors is beyond me. She made most of my wardrobe growing up and most never knew. It looked better than store bought.
- She is a mighty warrior. Do NOT cross her man or her baby cubs…Lawd have mercy! But she never enabled me. If I was wrong in an area…I was called out, corrected yet loved.
- She is an amazing teacher, pastor’s wife, event coordinator, planner and the woman knows the Word of God! Beth Moore ain’t got nothin’ on her!
- I am the woman I am today because of her godly example and influence.
- She is an amazing wife and mother.
- She taught me to be comfortable in my own skin and to laugh at myself.
- She doesn’t think she’s funny—but she really is. But better yet…if you can get her to laugh…then you REALLY know it’s funny.
- She can still take me down. Yes, literally. One swift move and my feet are out from underneath me and I’m lying on my back wondering what in the world just happened. It’s usually due to certain words not allowed in her house.
- Even in my worst season of life—she loved me unconditionally and never walked away from me. She likes to say, “I always loved you…but I didn’t really like you during that time.”
- She has made every special occasion in my life a big deal. She is my biggest fan and supports me 100%. She is the best cheerleader! You still have those high school moves Momma!
- She is a giver and continually sacrifices for those around her. She has never once competed, complained or wanted to live vicariously…but only wanted to celebrate other’s successes.
- She is the picture of forgiveness, grace and patience. I have so much to learn from her.
- She began praying for my salvation, my calling and my husband while I was in her womb. We’ve seen two out of the three…C’mon Momma…keep praying down fire for number 3! :)
"Ashley, our first little girl was born in December. The day after she was born they woke us up about 7:30 in the morning with Christmas songs playing over the intercom. The hospital was all decorated and the spirit of Christmas, plus a new life was overwhelming.
As I held her in my arms, I realized really for the first time how much God must love us. He sent Jesus a little baby to grow up and die for me. How much love He must have for us.
Then, I thought of Mary. How she must have felt knowing Jesus was Holy, the Son of God. What was going to happen to this little life who had come from her body? "She pondered on these things." He would never really be hers. She would have to let go. He belonged to everyone, but mostly to God. OH! The responsibility that lay ahead for her.
But then, I realized Ashley isn't ours either. God has just entrusted this little baby to us for a while. WOW! The responsibility.
Dear God, sweet God in heaven,
How much you love me I'm not sure, but it has to be more than I can comprehend. You have loaned this little person to me for a short while. She has no knowledge of You, or of anything yet. She is my little mission field. May I write across her mind what you desire.
How much you love me I'm not sure, but it has to be more than I can comprehend. You have loaned this little person to me for a short while. She has no knowledge of You, or of anything yet. She is my little mission field. May I write across her mind what you desire.
Show us how to discipline and train her. May she grow into the young lady you desire and died for her to become. May she see you in me. Show me how to be the Godly Mother she deserves and You desire. I want to always walk with You and be sensitive to her. Show me her strong points and how to build her confidence and make them stronger. Open my eyes to her weak points and to have the wisdom to show her how to accept and overcome them through Your time and changing.
Father, I pray for her Salvation. Please let her ask You into her heart just as soon as she is ready and understands. And Lord, if it is Your Will for her to marry, I lift up that husband to be, wherever he is right now. Grow him into a Godly husband and Spiritual leader. Prepare each of them for the other even now Lord.
Thank you again for this new little life you've entrusted and loaned to us. But thank you most of all for Jesus, who was perfect and never deserved what He went through for us. Amen"
Happy Mother’s Day to the most amazing woman in the whole world! You are my hero! I am so very grateful for you and I love you so much!
“Her children arise and call her blessed;” Proverbs 31:28
I hope each of you have an amazing mother’s day!
“she’s a pretty girl”
“Her children arise and call her blessed;” Proverbs 31:28
I hope each of you have an amazing mother’s day!
“she’s a pretty girl”
Thursday, May 6, 2010
two pumpkins, a dead poinsettia and a furnace
Hey...good news! I had another meeting yesterday and I didn’t spill anything on myself or the client…miracles still happen! Anyways...
About 6 months ago I moved into a rental house after living in an apartment for 5 years. I was super excited…NO MORE LOUD NEIGHBORS! Problem is, I didn’t realize there are actually more responsibilities that come with a rental house. Thank goodness they do the yard, but I didn’t quite consider all the other maintenance things. I was so used to calling the maintenance guy at the apartment anytime something broke or needed replacing, and they would be there within 24 hours. I knew him on a first name basis. Poor Derek, he had to leave a movie once to come help me. I can already hear you mumbling “high maintenance”…
Well when we moved into our rental house, I don’t think we quite realized what we were getting ourselves into…not to mention our house was built in 1993 and is…well…special. Let’s just say we keep pliers near our washer/dryer, a screw driver on the bathtub and our pantry door doesn’t have a handle. Needless to say, I’ve become quite handy with tools and made friends at Lowe’s. And did you know you can Google just about anything maintenance related and a video will pop up of how to fix it? True story. Try it. “We don’t need no stinkin’ man!” (joke)
In fact, it got so bad, about 2 months after moving in, our furnace decided to become a little finicky. And by finicky, I mean quit working. And by quit working, I mean no heat on one of the coldest nights of the year. And not just on one of the coldest nights of the year…but TWO of the coldest nights. I missed the first one because I was out of town (believe me I heard all about it from two very upset roomies), but I experienced the second one. It got down to 50 degrees…in our HOUSE! Did you know you can sleep in 3 sweatshirts, 2 pairs of pants, 2 pairs of socks, slippers, ear muffs and a beanie with two pillows over your head and survive? All I know is I felt like I was on Survivor, but I didn’t see any film crews and didn’t remember filling out the application.
In the mean time, we had also decorated our porch for Fall, which by then had moved in to the Christmas season. Finally our landlord came and didn’t just “fix” the furnace, but replaced the furnace. They’ve been so nice to leave it on our front porch for 6 months. Isn’t that sweet? So at one point (because we reached the “I don’t care stage”) we had 2 pumpkins, a dead poinsettia and a furnace on our front porch. I didn’t realize how easy it would be to make the transition to white trash. It’s been pretty much a smooth transition.
I miss Derek.
“she’s a pretty girl”
About 6 months ago I moved into a rental house after living in an apartment for 5 years. I was super excited…NO MORE LOUD NEIGHBORS! Problem is, I didn’t realize there are actually more responsibilities that come with a rental house. Thank goodness they do the yard, but I didn’t quite consider all the other maintenance things. I was so used to calling the maintenance guy at the apartment anytime something broke or needed replacing, and they would be there within 24 hours. I knew him on a first name basis. Poor Derek, he had to leave a movie once to come help me. I can already hear you mumbling “high maintenance”…
Well when we moved into our rental house, I don’t think we quite realized what we were getting ourselves into…not to mention our house was built in 1993 and is…well…special. Let’s just say we keep pliers near our washer/dryer, a screw driver on the bathtub and our pantry door doesn’t have a handle. Needless to say, I’ve become quite handy with tools and made friends at Lowe’s. And did you know you can Google just about anything maintenance related and a video will pop up of how to fix it? True story. Try it. “We don’t need no stinkin’ man!” (joke)
In fact, it got so bad, about 2 months after moving in, our furnace decided to become a little finicky. And by finicky, I mean quit working. And by quit working, I mean no heat on one of the coldest nights of the year. And not just on one of the coldest nights of the year…but TWO of the coldest nights. I missed the first one because I was out of town (believe me I heard all about it from two very upset roomies), but I experienced the second one. It got down to 50 degrees…in our HOUSE! Did you know you can sleep in 3 sweatshirts, 2 pairs of pants, 2 pairs of socks, slippers, ear muffs and a beanie with two pillows over your head and survive? All I know is I felt like I was on Survivor, but I didn’t see any film crews and didn’t remember filling out the application.
In the mean time, we had also decorated our porch for Fall, which by then had moved in to the Christmas season. Finally our landlord came and didn’t just “fix” the furnace, but replaced the furnace. They’ve been so nice to leave it on our front porch for 6 months. Isn’t that sweet? So at one point (because we reached the “I don’t care stage”) we had 2 pumpkins, a dead poinsettia and a furnace on our front porch. I didn’t realize how easy it would be to make the transition to white trash. It’s been pretty much a smooth transition.
I miss Derek.
“she’s a pretty girl”
Monday, May 3, 2010
bathrooms & break-ups
Have you ever had a horrific break-up or falling out with someone? Most people go straight for the hard stuff -chocolate or ice cream - over something like that. Some even go hit the gym extra hard, just to prove to the world, especially to the ex…“Oh yeah, I still got it…eat your heart out!” Not that I would know…
Well, several years ago, during one of the most stressful seasons of my life, I had a break-up. And even though this was done by my choosing…there were still repercussions. Instead of going for the tub of ice cream, the gym or beating the crud out of someone’s car Carrie Underwood style…I chose the bathroom. I already hear you saying, “I’m sorry, WHAT?!?!” Yes, I chose at that moment in time to do some retail therapy by remodeling my bathroom. It was very cathartic. Only problem, I didn’t think this thing through. I got my sister in the car with me (FYI…it’s good to always have a buddy during seasons like this…they keep you somewhat tame/sane) and at that moment in time I said, “I want to remodel my bathroom.” I can still hear her saying in her calming, don’t alarm voice, “Okkkkk????” This means…I have no idea what you are about to do…but I support you, mainly because I don’t want to anger the beast.
We drive to Bed, Bath and Beyond at 8:45pm, keep in mind they close at 9pm. At that moment in time I start getting an idea of what I want to do and I just start throwing items in my basket. Shower curtain, check. Matching accessories, check. THEN…I saw the towels. Apparently they were having a massive sale on towels, and man alive, did I have a hay day. I just started picking out colors, feeling the texture, rubbing them against my face, having my sister touch them, then throwing them in my basket. Allyson is freaking out at this point because they’ve already given the 5-minute warning over the intercom and apparently she’s seen the real price of the towels. She starts taking them out of the basket…and I scream…“NOOOOOO!”
Again, not wanting to anger the beast…she just decides to go along for the ride, no more interjections…and we go up to the counter to check out. By this time, it’s after 9pm and the workers are none too happy. The lady starts ringing things up and I look at the register and I start to get a little flushed. Allyson just starts shaking her head in the, “I told you so” kind of way. Knowing I can’t anger the clerk anymore than she already is…I just grin and bear it. Final price: $375.00. Yeah, those towels SO weren’t on sale…and apparently they were made of friggin silk or something.
After taking it all home and surveying the damage…my sanity comes back to me and I realize what I had done. Wow oh wow. Needless to say, I had quite a big return the next day. Retail therapy fail. If I’m gonna spend THAT kinda money…better be showing off a completely different set of assets…like… I don’t know…SHOES!
“she’s a pretty girl”
Well, several years ago, during one of the most stressful seasons of my life, I had a break-up. And even though this was done by my choosing…there were still repercussions. Instead of going for the tub of ice cream, the gym or beating the crud out of someone’s car Carrie Underwood style…I chose the bathroom. I already hear you saying, “I’m sorry, WHAT?!?!” Yes, I chose at that moment in time to do some retail therapy by remodeling my bathroom. It was very cathartic. Only problem, I didn’t think this thing through. I got my sister in the car with me (FYI…it’s good to always have a buddy during seasons like this…they keep you somewhat tame/sane) and at that moment in time I said, “I want to remodel my bathroom.” I can still hear her saying in her calming, don’t alarm voice, “Okkkkk????” This means…I have no idea what you are about to do…but I support you, mainly because I don’t want to anger the beast.
We drive to Bed, Bath and Beyond at 8:45pm, keep in mind they close at 9pm. At that moment in time I start getting an idea of what I want to do and I just start throwing items in my basket. Shower curtain, check. Matching accessories, check. THEN…I saw the towels. Apparently they were having a massive sale on towels, and man alive, did I have a hay day. I just started picking out colors, feeling the texture, rubbing them against my face, having my sister touch them, then throwing them in my basket. Allyson is freaking out at this point because they’ve already given the 5-minute warning over the intercom and apparently she’s seen the real price of the towels. She starts taking them out of the basket…and I scream…“NOOOOOO!”
Again, not wanting to anger the beast…she just decides to go along for the ride, no more interjections…and we go up to the counter to check out. By this time, it’s after 9pm and the workers are none too happy. The lady starts ringing things up and I look at the register and I start to get a little flushed. Allyson just starts shaking her head in the, “I told you so” kind of way. Knowing I can’t anger the clerk anymore than she already is…I just grin and bear it. Final price: $375.00. Yeah, those towels SO weren’t on sale…and apparently they were made of friggin silk or something.
After taking it all home and surveying the damage…my sanity comes back to me and I realize what I had done. Wow oh wow. Needless to say, I had quite a big return the next day. Retail therapy fail. If I’m gonna spend THAT kinda money…better be showing off a completely different set of assets…like… I don’t know…SHOES!
“she’s a pretty girl”
Thursday, April 29, 2010
happy 60th birthday daddy!
I’m taking a small break from the funny to take time to honor the most important man in my life, my father—Gary Miller. Today he turns 60 and I am spending the day with him celebrating him. So…instead of giving you 60 reasons why I love him (which I could do…but didn’t want to overwhelm you) I shall give you 30…that is how long I have known him and these are in no particular order:
1. He is the creator of the phrase, “She’s a pretty girl” (can’t remember when it started…and I’ve lost count of how many times it’s been said)
2. He is truly the funniest person I know. Nobody makes me laugh harder. I get my sense of humor from him.
3. He is the GODLIEST and most REAL person I know.
4. I am who I am today because of his strong influence in my life.
5. He has always been the most attentive father. We colored together, went on daddy-daughter dates together once a week (still try to make that happen as much as possible to this day), rode bikes, flew kites, double-feature movies and he endured many a horrible voice recitals just to see me.
6. He pushed me to be who I am…even when I fought him tooth and nail! Thanks for making me finish college! :)
7. He is an amazing pastor, preacher, teacher, evangelist, writer and so much more! I am amazed at the way he makes anyone and everyone around him welcome. He leads people to the Lord all the time by just being him.
8. He is a man’s man! Nothing femmy about him in the least!!! And he doesn’t pussy-foot around issues. The older I get…the more I have learned to appreciate this…there need to be more men like that out there!!!
9. He is a romantic at heart. The way he loves my mom is such a sweet example of what I want in a husband.
10. He is a lover and a fighter. He knows when to stand up and when to turn the other cheek. I’m still learning in this area. :)
11. He is amazingly creative!
12. He gives the best hugs—sometimes words aren’t necessary—you just need a hug. Every break-up has always included a hug and going for ice cream.
13. When words are needed—he has the best advice.
14. He is a prayer warrior!
15. He has my back—always!
16. He’s not afraid to call me out…and I appreciate this.
17. He is one of my very best friends. My family knows me better than most anyone and I genuinely love spending time with them.
18. He is so very humble and proud at the same time.
19. He is an impeccable dresser and knows fashion. One of the things I love most about him is he knows how to speak my mother’s love language, gifts! He loves to buy her shoes. And he loves to bless my sister and me as well when he can.
20. I love how he has embraced my friends, and when they didn’t have a daddy, he took on the role.
21. He is so wise. He has the perfect balance of biblical wisdom and common sense wisdom. When I can’t come up with the answer on my own—go to Dad!
22. He is an amazing father and husband.
23. He always put family over church. I grew up a PK (pastor’s kid), but never ever felt the church came before us, which, by the way, is why most PK’s rebel. I never needed the attention or the need to rebel because I needed my father’s attention. In fact, short story. When I was in 2nd grade my dad started taking my sister and me out once a week for breakfast before school. We each had our own day…just him by ourselves. I don’t think he’s able to eat McDonald’s to this day. We would spend about an hour just asking each other questions, what’s your favorite color, what do you want to be when you grow up, etc. One morning, on my day, my mom let me know my dad had to leave for an unexpected early morning meeting. I was disappointed, but was assured Dad would take me another day that week. Later that morning, I got called out of class and my dad was in the hallway waiting for me. Man alive I thought I was in trouble! Nope. He got down on one knee, looked me in the eye, told me how sorry he was that he missed our morning appointment, that it was inexcusable and would never happen again, then asked for my forgiveness. WOW! And it never happened again.
24. I love his laugh and I love to make him laugh.
25. He is a man of integrity and character.
26. He is so very strong! When others around have given up…he has continued the fight!
27. He started me on “my foffee” (coffee) addiction at a young age (3) much to my mother’s frustration (she detests coffee). So our little game would be to drink “foffee” and then go give mommy kisses.
28. He taught me what true ROCK ‘N ROLL is!
29. He tells the best stories. As a kid, every night before bedtime, in order to get me to sleep (I was a night-owl even then), he would make up the most FACINATING stories about “Princess Ashley” and they always left you hanging, until the next night.
30. He introduced me to Jesus and I have never been the same since.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY to the most amazing father in the WORLD!!!
I.LOVE.YOU!!!
Your… “pretty girl” :)
1. He is the creator of the phrase, “She’s a pretty girl” (can’t remember when it started…and I’ve lost count of how many times it’s been said)
2. He is truly the funniest person I know. Nobody makes me laugh harder. I get my sense of humor from him.
3. He is the GODLIEST and most REAL person I know.
4. I am who I am today because of his strong influence in my life.
5. He has always been the most attentive father. We colored together, went on daddy-daughter dates together once a week (still try to make that happen as much as possible to this day), rode bikes, flew kites, double-feature movies and he endured many a horrible voice recitals just to see me.
6. He pushed me to be who I am…even when I fought him tooth and nail! Thanks for making me finish college! :)
7. He is an amazing pastor, preacher, teacher, evangelist, writer and so much more! I am amazed at the way he makes anyone and everyone around him welcome. He leads people to the Lord all the time by just being him.
8. He is a man’s man! Nothing femmy about him in the least!!! And he doesn’t pussy-foot around issues. The older I get…the more I have learned to appreciate this…there need to be more men like that out there!!!
9. He is a romantic at heart. The way he loves my mom is such a sweet example of what I want in a husband.
10. He is a lover and a fighter. He knows when to stand up and when to turn the other cheek. I’m still learning in this area. :)
11. He is amazingly creative!
12. He gives the best hugs—sometimes words aren’t necessary—you just need a hug. Every break-up has always included a hug and going for ice cream.
13. When words are needed—he has the best advice.
14. He is a prayer warrior!
15. He has my back—always!
16. He’s not afraid to call me out…and I appreciate this.
17. He is one of my very best friends. My family knows me better than most anyone and I genuinely love spending time with them.
18. He is so very humble and proud at the same time.
19. He is an impeccable dresser and knows fashion. One of the things I love most about him is he knows how to speak my mother’s love language, gifts! He loves to buy her shoes. And he loves to bless my sister and me as well when he can.
20. I love how he has embraced my friends, and when they didn’t have a daddy, he took on the role.
21. He is so wise. He has the perfect balance of biblical wisdom and common sense wisdom. When I can’t come up with the answer on my own—go to Dad!
22. He is an amazing father and husband.
23. He always put family over church. I grew up a PK (pastor’s kid), but never ever felt the church came before us, which, by the way, is why most PK’s rebel. I never needed the attention or the need to rebel because I needed my father’s attention. In fact, short story. When I was in 2nd grade my dad started taking my sister and me out once a week for breakfast before school. We each had our own day…just him by ourselves. I don’t think he’s able to eat McDonald’s to this day. We would spend about an hour just asking each other questions, what’s your favorite color, what do you want to be when you grow up, etc. One morning, on my day, my mom let me know my dad had to leave for an unexpected early morning meeting. I was disappointed, but was assured Dad would take me another day that week. Later that morning, I got called out of class and my dad was in the hallway waiting for me. Man alive I thought I was in trouble! Nope. He got down on one knee, looked me in the eye, told me how sorry he was that he missed our morning appointment, that it was inexcusable and would never happen again, then asked for my forgiveness. WOW! And it never happened again.
24. I love his laugh and I love to make him laugh.
25. He is a man of integrity and character.
26. He is so very strong! When others around have given up…he has continued the fight!
27. He started me on “my foffee” (coffee) addiction at a young age (3) much to my mother’s frustration (she detests coffee). So our little game would be to drink “foffee” and then go give mommy kisses.
28. He taught me what true ROCK ‘N ROLL is!
29. He tells the best stories. As a kid, every night before bedtime, in order to get me to sleep (I was a night-owl even then), he would make up the most FACINATING stories about “Princess Ashley” and they always left you hanging, until the next night.
30. He introduced me to Jesus and I have never been the same since.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY to the most amazing father in the WORLD!!!
I.LOVE.YOU!!!
Your… “pretty girl” :)
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
stocks and markets
Making it short and sweet today. Friday’s will be long…PS by the way. : )
Yesterday at work, I noticed on my MSN homepage there was BREAKING NEWS: DOW drops 22 points and plummets below 11,000…or something like that. Now, I know that should be important because #1, it’s the DOW and #2, it’s breaking news—however, it means nothing to me. My family never did the whole investing thing, so I’ve never bothered becoming familiar with it. I know others who have, and have had great success and others who have not. I think that’s why I don’t like it, it’s not dependable. I love adventure and taking risks, but not in that area. Sorry, this has gotten too serious. Anyways…
I turn around to my co-workers and read the statement off…and I get a similar reaction—blink, blink, blank stare—but I whisper, “I think that’s bad.” And they start laughing hysterically (sorry to those of you affected). Later that evening, I was telling my roomies about the exchange we had at work, and I said in passing, “yeah, I don’t really get into the whole stocks and markets thing.” Now, I don’t know if you’ve ever had this moment, but it’s the moment when you know you’ve said something out loud, but you know it’s not right, but you’re not sure why it’s not right. Any takers? No? Well, happens a lot in our household and we DO NOT let the other get away with it.
So naturally, my roomies don’t let it go, and for a solid 10-15 minutes, in their perfectly sounding air head voices go back and forth about, “oh my gosh, the stocks and markets! I love the stocks and markets. Mainly because I like to share. They do a lot of sharing at the stocks and markets. And oh my gosh, they laugh and laugh while I’m there, especially when I say stocks and markets…I think it’s because they really like me.”
Much to my chagrin, I have to grin and bear it. Don’t worry, one day very soon, probably today, I’ll get ‘em back.
“she’s a pretty girl”
Yesterday at work, I noticed on my MSN homepage there was BREAKING NEWS: DOW drops 22 points and plummets below 11,000…or something like that. Now, I know that should be important because #1, it’s the DOW and #2, it’s breaking news—however, it means nothing to me. My family never did the whole investing thing, so I’ve never bothered becoming familiar with it. I know others who have, and have had great success and others who have not. I think that’s why I don’t like it, it’s not dependable. I love adventure and taking risks, but not in that area. Sorry, this has gotten too serious. Anyways…
I turn around to my co-workers and read the statement off…and I get a similar reaction—blink, blink, blank stare—but I whisper, “I think that’s bad.” And they start laughing hysterically (sorry to those of you affected). Later that evening, I was telling my roomies about the exchange we had at work, and I said in passing, “yeah, I don’t really get into the whole stocks and markets thing.” Now, I don’t know if you’ve ever had this moment, but it’s the moment when you know you’ve said something out loud, but you know it’s not right, but you’re not sure why it’s not right. Any takers? No? Well, happens a lot in our household and we DO NOT let the other get away with it.
So naturally, my roomies don’t let it go, and for a solid 10-15 minutes, in their perfectly sounding air head voices go back and forth about, “oh my gosh, the stocks and markets! I love the stocks and markets. Mainly because I like to share. They do a lot of sharing at the stocks and markets. And oh my gosh, they laugh and laugh while I’m there, especially when I say stocks and markets…I think it’s because they really like me.”
Much to my chagrin, I have to grin and bear it. Don’t worry, one day very soon, probably today, I’ll get ‘em back.
“she’s a pretty girl”
Monday, April 26, 2010
day 5: off is in the middle
Several years ago my church did a church-wide 40 day fast. I was familiar with the idea of fasting, growing up my dad had done several 40 day fasts, but I myself had never done fasting to that extent before. After prayerfully considering it, I felt God leading me to do a portion of the fast all liquid. Cocky me, I was like, “how hard could this be?! I love smoothies, so I’ll be fine.”
Unfortunately, your body starts to go a little wack on you—blood sugar levels start skyrocketing, you start envisioning people as food and then you just start randomly smelling certain foods that you used to enjoy. For me, it was Babe’s Chicken, more specifically, the biscuits. For you out-of- towners, Babe’s is hands down the best place to get fried chicken and the fluffiest biscuits you’ll ever, EVER put in your mouth. Oh my, my mouth just started watering…focus Ashley, focus!
So, in order to keep your cravings down, you start to get really creative with the blender. My philosophy was, “hey, if I can suck it down a straw, then it’s legal.” One night in particular I made a big pot of stew, but I was SO freaking hungry before I started the process, that I was very, VERY impatient in the cooking process. By nature I’m not very patient anyway, and I’m most definitely not one of those girls that find cooking relaxing, so mix that with 15 days of no food—Lawd have mercy…it wasn’t pretty.
Earlier, while at the store picking up items for the stew, I had also bought a new blender (this is important to know—you’ll see in a minute). Now, by this time, my friends have all gathered in the kitchen with me, each making their own things, so it was quite a tight space. The stew is FINALLY done, and I go to pour it into the blender. Allyson (sister) and Brittney (friend) each say at different times, “you know, it probably needs to cool before you put it in the blender.” Me: “Naw, it’ll be fine. Besides, I’m STARVING, so I don’t care.” Famous last words.
I pour the stew in the blender steaming, piping hot and I stick the lid on top, which has now created this intense amount of trapped steam. I place my hand on top of the lid and use the other hand to hit blend. Within a matter of seconds, the lid goes flying off the top (due to the trapped steam) and piping hot stew starts flying everywhere! Have I mentioned I have an all white kitchen?!! Problem is, because I’m not familiar with this blender, I am hitting every button imaginable to make this thing stop—blend, ice crusher, puree, mix, everything BUT the off button and the thing keeps spewing more and more! Over all the commotion, Brittney’s voice comes screaming from behind me, “OFF IS IN THE MIDDLE…OFF IS IN THE MIDDLE!!!!” I finally find the “off is in the middle” button and get the thing to shut off. It looked like a horrific and graphic murder had just taken place in my kitchen. My white cabinets were covered in red mush, my white floor was covered in red mush and WE were most definitely covered in red mush. We just fell to the floor in a messy heap and laughed.
It took days, months, years until I finally stopped finding chunks of stew in every nook and cranny of my kitchen. And to this day, I still have a scar on my hand from the piping hot stew that exploded in my kitchen that serves as a lovely reminder. Hey…be sure you become familiar with your blender BEFORE use…
“she’s a pretty girl” in the kitchen…
Unfortunately, your body starts to go a little wack on you—blood sugar levels start skyrocketing, you start envisioning people as food and then you just start randomly smelling certain foods that you used to enjoy. For me, it was Babe’s Chicken, more specifically, the biscuits. For you out-of- towners, Babe’s is hands down the best place to get fried chicken and the fluffiest biscuits you’ll ever, EVER put in your mouth. Oh my, my mouth just started watering…focus Ashley, focus!
So, in order to keep your cravings down, you start to get really creative with the blender. My philosophy was, “hey, if I can suck it down a straw, then it’s legal.” One night in particular I made a big pot of stew, but I was SO freaking hungry before I started the process, that I was very, VERY impatient in the cooking process. By nature I’m not very patient anyway, and I’m most definitely not one of those girls that find cooking relaxing, so mix that with 15 days of no food—Lawd have mercy…it wasn’t pretty.
Earlier, while at the store picking up items for the stew, I had also bought a new blender (this is important to know—you’ll see in a minute). Now, by this time, my friends have all gathered in the kitchen with me, each making their own things, so it was quite a tight space. The stew is FINALLY done, and I go to pour it into the blender. Allyson (sister) and Brittney (friend) each say at different times, “you know, it probably needs to cool before you put it in the blender.” Me: “Naw, it’ll be fine. Besides, I’m STARVING, so I don’t care.” Famous last words.
I pour the stew in the blender steaming, piping hot and I stick the lid on top, which has now created this intense amount of trapped steam. I place my hand on top of the lid and use the other hand to hit blend. Within a matter of seconds, the lid goes flying off the top (due to the trapped steam) and piping hot stew starts flying everywhere! Have I mentioned I have an all white kitchen?!! Problem is, because I’m not familiar with this blender, I am hitting every button imaginable to make this thing stop—blend, ice crusher, puree, mix, everything BUT the off button and the thing keeps spewing more and more! Over all the commotion, Brittney’s voice comes screaming from behind me, “OFF IS IN THE MIDDLE…OFF IS IN THE MIDDLE!!!!” I finally find the “off is in the middle” button and get the thing to shut off. It looked like a horrific and graphic murder had just taken place in my kitchen. My white cabinets were covered in red mush, my white floor was covered in red mush and WE were most definitely covered in red mush. We just fell to the floor in a messy heap and laughed.
It took days, months, years until I finally stopped finding chunks of stew in every nook and cranny of my kitchen. And to this day, I still have a scar on my hand from the piping hot stew that exploded in my kitchen that serves as a lovely reminder. Hey…be sure you become familiar with your blender BEFORE use…
“she’s a pretty girl” in the kitchen…
Friday, April 23, 2010
Day 4: heck if i know?!?
It’s been a bit of an interesting day. This morning I go to put on my really good smelling pair of boots (Friends episode) that I paid…well…paid quite a bit for and have owned for 3 months and they were already tearing on the inside. Not exactly a nice way to start the morning. After a few phone calls, may have figured out a solution, whilst getting a 15% discount. Not as much as I would’ve liked, but my negotiating skillz aren’t as top notch in the morning with no coffee. Speaking of mornings, don’t throw an egg in a bag with a bottle of vitamins and then throw it in your purse. The egg will lose every time…just sayin.
So, after talking it over with my friend at work, and telling her of my options, she says, “Hey…let’s go get some Starbucks, that will make things better.” True story. While we were in the car talking it over, I see this guy on a bike (not a motorcycle) and he’s on the same major busy street as us and cars are weaving around him to avoid hitting him and having a wreck. I know there are a lot of bikers out there, but this drives me crazy…especially when there is a perfectly good sidewalk available! Stepping down from soap box now.
We pull up to a stoplight to turn left and this biker has weaved in between cars and come up from behind to pull to our right, but slightly in front of us. He then sticks his left arm up with two fingers out. I’m in the middle of a conversation, and I go, “Does he want to turn left?! Is that what that means?” My friend, “I don’t know, maybe??? Are we supposed to wait for him, does he go first, do we go first, what do we do?” “HECK IF I KNOW?!?! I don’t remember that part in Driver’s Ed. Did they even tell us that part?” We go back and forth trying to wrack our brain to remember the rules of the road…and folks, it’s been years since I’ve been in Driver’s Ed, 15 to be exact. And let’s be honest, I don’t remember anything except that every day in class I ate a Butterfinger, Payday and Dr. Pepper (those were the days) and they showed those horribly graphic videos of teenagers that didn’t wear their seatbelts. UGH.
Finally, the light turns green, and yes, those two fingers out did mean he was turning left. Geez Louise! Nice to know…now you do too. Allow me to leave you with a little Bicycle Safety Rules of the Road. Remember, safety first.
“she’s a pretty girl” on the road…
So, after talking it over with my friend at work, and telling her of my options, she says, “Hey…let’s go get some Starbucks, that will make things better.” True story. While we were in the car talking it over, I see this guy on a bike (not a motorcycle) and he’s on the same major busy street as us and cars are weaving around him to avoid hitting him and having a wreck. I know there are a lot of bikers out there, but this drives me crazy…especially when there is a perfectly good sidewalk available! Stepping down from soap box now.
We pull up to a stoplight to turn left and this biker has weaved in between cars and come up from behind to pull to our right, but slightly in front of us. He then sticks his left arm up with two fingers out. I’m in the middle of a conversation, and I go, “Does he want to turn left?! Is that what that means?” My friend, “I don’t know, maybe??? Are we supposed to wait for him, does he go first, do we go first, what do we do?” “HECK IF I KNOW?!?! I don’t remember that part in Driver’s Ed. Did they even tell us that part?” We go back and forth trying to wrack our brain to remember the rules of the road…and folks, it’s been years since I’ve been in Driver’s Ed, 15 to be exact. And let’s be honest, I don’t remember anything except that every day in class I ate a Butterfinger, Payday and Dr. Pepper (those were the days) and they showed those horribly graphic videos of teenagers that didn’t wear their seatbelts. UGH.
Finally, the light turns green, and yes, those two fingers out did mean he was turning left. Geez Louise! Nice to know…now you do too. Allow me to leave you with a little Bicycle Safety Rules of the Road. Remember, safety first.
“she’s a pretty girl” on the road…
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
day 3: i'm a dork
On Saturday, as I was writing this, I was sitting in my parents garage, facebooking, twittering (yes, just started) and attempting to get the two to work together—all while listening to classic old school rock n roll (ZZ Top, Creedance Clearwater Revival—you know, the classics) AND “helping” the parentals with a garage sale. Because I had not prepared for 50 degree weather and rain, I had on tube socks with flip flops, a sweat shirt from 8th grade and knit gauchos. Yes, I know, you’re jealous with how I HOT I looked. My dad informed me I looked like a polish orphan.
The older I get, the dorkier I get. In fact, I’m told on a very regular basis by my sister, “Oh my gosh, you’re such a dork!” She likes to tell the story of me going off to college and immaturing rather than maturing. I spent too much of my life trying to be older than what I really was, so it was ridiculously freeing to find the dork within!
Most people don’t see this side of me. For the most part I’m a confident put together woman, but just so you know, there is quite the dork inside, and what most don’t know is there is also a klutz. I think it comes from years of trying to grow into my limbs…but I never did. They tell me I was supposed to be 5’6”…nope…didn’t happen. Poor thing…I wear the same size shoe now as I did in 4th grade…awkward doesn’t even begin to describe my childhood.
Case in point.
Several weeks ago I was in a meeting at work. I have a client sitting right next to me. We have breakfast items being served, fruit, muffins, nuts, coffee, you know, the usual. Now that you know my bad habit of zoning, I usually know the warning signs and get up and walk around a bit in order to stay focused. I decide I would like to get a mini-plate of food. So in the middle of the meeting I stand up, walk over to the items, serve myself and sit down. I pick up a big juicy strawberry, take a bite and it dribbles all down the front of my khaki jacket. Smooth move ex-lax, how you gonna recover from this one? Thankfully my client is distracted while my boss is speaking and I’m able to get a napkin, dip it in water and attack the stain. Ok, crisis averted.
I decide to go for something a bit smaller, a grape. Now, I’ve already learned (from prior experience) you don’t stab a grape with a fork, unless you want it to catapult across to the person next to you. So, I pick up a couple. One goes in my mouth and the other slips out and falls down the front of me and rolls over and bounces off my client’s shoe. Oh crap. Praying to God she doesn’t notice, and she doesn’t. Shew!
Then, lunch times rolls around and we’ve ordered from Café Express. I don’t really enjoy this place, but I L-O-V-E their sweet potato fries. I get my box of food. After wrestling with the container made of plastic, trying to be quiet and discreet, it finally opens. My greatest fear was that I would get too much momentum while opening and then fries would go flying, once again, knowing that from prior experience. It opens, and I go to put a fry in my mouth and it slips and falls to the floor next to my client, AGAIN! Good gracious…what is my deal?!? She now has a grape and a fry next to her foot. Keeping my fingers crossed her foot doesn’t move and squash them both.
I swear…if anyone watched me on any ordinary day, they would just roll their eyes and wonder how I make it through! Believe me…I wonder myself.
Thankfully, the meeting ends without anyone noticing anything out of the ordinary, or at least they didn’t say anything if they did, and my client’s shoe left food-free.
Embrace your inner dork today and make sure to LAUGH! :)
“she’s a pretty girl”
The older I get, the dorkier I get. In fact, I’m told on a very regular basis by my sister, “Oh my gosh, you’re such a dork!” She likes to tell the story of me going off to college and immaturing rather than maturing. I spent too much of my life trying to be older than what I really was, so it was ridiculously freeing to find the dork within!
Most people don’t see this side of me. For the most part I’m a confident put together woman, but just so you know, there is quite the dork inside, and what most don’t know is there is also a klutz. I think it comes from years of trying to grow into my limbs…but I never did. They tell me I was supposed to be 5’6”…nope…didn’t happen. Poor thing…I wear the same size shoe now as I did in 4th grade…awkward doesn’t even begin to describe my childhood.
Case in point.
Several weeks ago I was in a meeting at work. I have a client sitting right next to me. We have breakfast items being served, fruit, muffins, nuts, coffee, you know, the usual. Now that you know my bad habit of zoning, I usually know the warning signs and get up and walk around a bit in order to stay focused. I decide I would like to get a mini-plate of food. So in the middle of the meeting I stand up, walk over to the items, serve myself and sit down. I pick up a big juicy strawberry, take a bite and it dribbles all down the front of my khaki jacket. Smooth move ex-lax, how you gonna recover from this one? Thankfully my client is distracted while my boss is speaking and I’m able to get a napkin, dip it in water and attack the stain. Ok, crisis averted.
I decide to go for something a bit smaller, a grape. Now, I’ve already learned (from prior experience) you don’t stab a grape with a fork, unless you want it to catapult across to the person next to you. So, I pick up a couple. One goes in my mouth and the other slips out and falls down the front of me and rolls over and bounces off my client’s shoe. Oh crap. Praying to God she doesn’t notice, and she doesn’t. Shew!
Then, lunch times rolls around and we’ve ordered from Café Express. I don’t really enjoy this place, but I L-O-V-E their sweet potato fries. I get my box of food. After wrestling with the container made of plastic, trying to be quiet and discreet, it finally opens. My greatest fear was that I would get too much momentum while opening and then fries would go flying, once again, knowing that from prior experience. It opens, and I go to put a fry in my mouth and it slips and falls to the floor next to my client, AGAIN! Good gracious…what is my deal?!? She now has a grape and a fry next to her foot. Keeping my fingers crossed her foot doesn’t move and squash them both.
I swear…if anyone watched me on any ordinary day, they would just roll their eyes and wonder how I make it through! Believe me…I wonder myself.
Thankfully, the meeting ends without anyone noticing anything out of the ordinary, or at least they didn’t say anything if they did, and my client’s shoe left food-free.
Embrace your inner dork today and make sure to LAUGH! :)
“she’s a pretty girl”
Monday, April 19, 2010
day 2: mcalister's nemesis
"Sometimes you wanna go where everybody knows your name, and they're always glad you came...you wanna be where everybody knows your name." CHEERS
I think each of us has a place we love to frequent. You walk in, they know either your drink order, bagel order or maybe even your dress size and have already put something aside for you. Just makes you happy inside. I'm not really sure why, but it does.
Well...my two favorite places are Nordstrom (the MAC counter) and McAlister's. I don't frequent Nordstrom's as much as I used to...mainly because I detest North East Mall and try to get everything I can from Southlake Townsquare. But the second place I frequent, quite a bit I'm afraid, is McAlister's. Even if I don't eat lunch there...I usually stop by to get tea. It used to be sweet tea...but I switched to unsweet tea once I found a natural sweetener...Stevia. Try it my friends...it's MUCH better for you. And if I can give up the real deal...you most definitely can!
So, over the past 5 years, I've seen employees and managers come and go, but I've made new friends. They always know me by name, and usually have the tea glass already ready by the time I walk in the door. But about the same time I started going, (well I started going first...but that's not important) there was this girl who would ALWAYS be in there when I showed up. She was me...but with blonde hair. And if she wasn't there when I got there...she walked in right behind me. It was so weird?! Like we were stalking each othere...but we weren't...well at least I wasn't. She was the only other person they knew by name, and I think it irritated both of us that we weren't the only ones they loved. Because once I walked in the door, she would look me up and down. This is when I should have smiled, but nope. I looked her up and down right back. By the way...no matter how old you get, or how super-spiritual you are...there is still a mean and caddy Jr. High girl inside you ready for a good cat fight. Here we both were, competing with who could be the best customer and get the most attention...ridiculous I know. AND THEN, to top it off! She had to go and paint the dang cow sitting outside, and even signed her NAME: "OHHHHH...LIVVVVV...IIIIIII...AAAAAA!" UGH. I'm not bitter or anything. I mean, how was I supposed to trump that...create clothes for the thing?!?!
Sometime last year she just stopped coming. Guess she made it big as an artist. It may have been closer to two years ago. Lost track. I just know she went away and I didn't see her, and I was relieved. Then low and behold...
I walk in about two weeks ago with a friend from work and there's this brunette standing in front of me with almost the exact same outfit on as me...which doesn't happen very often. I walk to the left of her and start placing my order and I feel eyes on me looking me up and down. I look to my right and this chick is giving me the once over and it's ticking me off. She makes it to eye contact and then NO! It was HER! She had colored her hair?!?! We both realized it at the same time and just stared each other down. Then she just walked off. My friend beside me goes, "What in the world was THAT all about?!?!" Then I realized our little drama was pretty obvious to the rest of the world...woops.
Haven't seen her since. Think I might introduce myself to her the next time I see her since it's pretty obvious we both know who the other is...I don't know...we'll see.
I think each of us has a place we love to frequent. You walk in, they know either your drink order, bagel order or maybe even your dress size and have already put something aside for you. Just makes you happy inside. I'm not really sure why, but it does.
Well...my two favorite places are Nordstrom (the MAC counter) and McAlister's. I don't frequent Nordstrom's as much as I used to...mainly because I detest North East Mall and try to get everything I can from Southlake Townsquare. But the second place I frequent, quite a bit I'm afraid, is McAlister's. Even if I don't eat lunch there...I usually stop by to get tea. It used to be sweet tea...but I switched to unsweet tea once I found a natural sweetener...Stevia. Try it my friends...it's MUCH better for you. And if I can give up the real deal...you most definitely can!
So, over the past 5 years, I've seen employees and managers come and go, but I've made new friends. They always know me by name, and usually have the tea glass already ready by the time I walk in the door. But about the same time I started going, (well I started going first...but that's not important) there was this girl who would ALWAYS be in there when I showed up. She was me...but with blonde hair. And if she wasn't there when I got there...she walked in right behind me. It was so weird?! Like we were stalking each othere...but we weren't...well at least I wasn't. She was the only other person they knew by name, and I think it irritated both of us that we weren't the only ones they loved. Because once I walked in the door, she would look me up and down. This is when I should have smiled, but nope. I looked her up and down right back. By the way...no matter how old you get, or how super-spiritual you are...there is still a mean and caddy Jr. High girl inside you ready for a good cat fight. Here we both were, competing with who could be the best customer and get the most attention...ridiculous I know. AND THEN, to top it off! She had to go and paint the dang cow sitting outside, and even signed her NAME: "OHHHHH...LIVVVVV...IIIIIII...AAAAAA!" UGH. I'm not bitter or anything. I mean, how was I supposed to trump that...create clothes for the thing?!?!
Sometime last year she just stopped coming. Guess she made it big as an artist. It may have been closer to two years ago. Lost track. I just know she went away and I didn't see her, and I was relieved. Then low and behold...
I walk in about two weeks ago with a friend from work and there's this brunette standing in front of me with almost the exact same outfit on as me...which doesn't happen very often. I walk to the left of her and start placing my order and I feel eyes on me looking me up and down. I look to my right and this chick is giving me the once over and it's ticking me off. She makes it to eye contact and then NO! It was HER! She had colored her hair?!?! We both realized it at the same time and just stared each other down. Then she just walked off. My friend beside me goes, "What in the world was THAT all about?!?!" Then I realized our little drama was pretty obvious to the rest of the world...woops.
Haven't seen her since. Think I might introduce myself to her the next time I see her since it's pretty obvious we both know who the other is...I don't know...we'll see.
Olivia's Cow: "Sweet T"
Friday, April 16, 2010
she's a pretty girl day 1
So…I’m beginning something that many have told me to do…well…rather have told me to write a book…but I have decided to start small…blogging. Many of my closest friends…who know me the BEST…tell me on a regular basis…you have GOT to figure out a way to do the whole worship thing with stand up. Not sure how that really pans out in the long run…but in the mean time…I shall share my funny stories and ramblings throughout my week…hoping to bring much joy and laughter into your lives. I don’t think you could ever have enough of that…even the Bible talks about joy, laughter, cheer, goodness as medicine for the soul (check out Proverbs my friends).
The title of my blog might make you think I’m conceited or self-absorbed. Not at all. Quite the opposite. In fact, I find I’m misunderstood by most because my second language is Sarcasm. Have you heard of it? Anyways…growing up…although VERY dark headed…I would get myself in these predicaments that others might call “Blonde Moments” (sorry to all you blonds out there). I have a horrible problem of spacing out when someone is talking…think they call it day-dreaming…man…isn’t it pretty outside today? Wonder if I have some time to walk around Southlake Townsquare after work before going to work out. SEE??? Happens to me all the time! But what happens is I try to jump right back into the conversation right where I left off…not realizing that everyone else has moved on to something else, yet I blurt out something. Case in point.
At the dinner table with my family and a bunch of friends. We happen to mention Disneyland and how they pride themselves in being one of the cleanest parks in the world. About this time I space out, help one of my “nephews” with something (Drew-man I LOVE you and miss you!). My family goes on talking about how the trash cans are spaced every 6 ft in order to have trash cans readily available to anyone at any time. Not realizing my dad has JUST said this…I jump back in and say, “Don’t they have trash cans like every 9 feet or something?” The ENTIRE table goes quiet and gives me THE LOOK. This look is best described as shock + you are retarded + exasperation which my dad lovingly used to coin the term, “She’s a pretty girl!” I don’t think I’ve mentioned low self-esteem is not allowed in our family. :)
So, now you know my dirty little secret. I have “pretty girl” moments almost every day of my life. Or least some of the most bizarre situations occur to me that only I could get myself into. My friends and family get a big kick out of it…or either get mildly frustrated…just depends on how big of a “pretty girl” moment it really is. Hope you enjoy…and hope to bring you MUCH laughter and joy in this crazy thing we call life.
“She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come.” Proverbs 31:25
The title of my blog might make you think I’m conceited or self-absorbed. Not at all. Quite the opposite. In fact, I find I’m misunderstood by most because my second language is Sarcasm. Have you heard of it? Anyways…growing up…although VERY dark headed…I would get myself in these predicaments that others might call “Blonde Moments” (sorry to all you blonds out there). I have a horrible problem of spacing out when someone is talking…think they call it day-dreaming…man…isn’t it pretty outside today? Wonder if I have some time to walk around Southlake Townsquare after work before going to work out. SEE??? Happens to me all the time! But what happens is I try to jump right back into the conversation right where I left off…not realizing that everyone else has moved on to something else, yet I blurt out something. Case in point.
At the dinner table with my family and a bunch of friends. We happen to mention Disneyland and how they pride themselves in being one of the cleanest parks in the world. About this time I space out, help one of my “nephews” with something (Drew-man I LOVE you and miss you!). My family goes on talking about how the trash cans are spaced every 6 ft in order to have trash cans readily available to anyone at any time. Not realizing my dad has JUST said this…I jump back in and say, “Don’t they have trash cans like every 9 feet or something?” The ENTIRE table goes quiet and gives me THE LOOK. This look is best described as shock + you are retarded + exasperation which my dad lovingly used to coin the term, “She’s a pretty girl!” I don’t think I’ve mentioned low self-esteem is not allowed in our family. :)
So, now you know my dirty little secret. I have “pretty girl” moments almost every day of my life. Or least some of the most bizarre situations occur to me that only I could get myself into. My friends and family get a big kick out of it…or either get mildly frustrated…just depends on how big of a “pretty girl” moment it really is. Hope you enjoy…and hope to bring you MUCH laughter and joy in this crazy thing we call life.
“She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come.” Proverbs 31:25
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