Everyone Poops

So a couple of months ago a very hilarious blog post was traveling around Facebook. I have no idea who this lady is, and have never really followed her since then, but oh Mylanta, I laughed so hard when I read it. Number 1, it was hilarious, and Number 2, it was MY LIFE! I have lived that moment. Literally, my very first date consisted of a moment very similar to that. Let’s just say Babe’s Chicken made an appearance twice that night.

You see, for most of my life, I struggled with what I only knew to be IBS. But 2 years ago when I was diagnosed with a gluten allergy…it ALL made sense. I was grateful to find the answer, but geez…it only took 15 years and a lot of embarrassing moments.

I say all this now because even though I’m 95% better, I still have moments, especially when I get a little lazy with my eating…and then of course my sweet husband has to haul butt home like Bo Duke.

We have a very open and honest marriage when it comes to this topic. I know a lot of marriages that don’t even discuss their habits, but well, that’s not us. We laugh a lot about our “moments.”

So one day last week I was in Starbucks where a lot of Nashville celebrities like to hang out. I can only say thus far I have seen D and F listers. And by that I mean this week I saw Colton Dixon from this last American Idol and then last week I saw Jason Hervey. You may say, WHO?! But if you were a child of the 80s, you’ll remember a very popular show, The Wonder Years. This guy was the mean, yet cute, older brother. I always did like him. Apparently even my mom did. I told her I saw him, and she goes, “Oh, the good looking one?!” Yes mom, yes it was. : )

Although, he's not now. And man is he SHORT?! Of course I didn’t say anything to him, he was in a meeting. But fast forward to about 45 minutes later.

While I’m sitting in Bux, I begin to feel the urge to use the facilities. I had just gotten a massage, and the lady had told me that I would begin expelling toxins – and let’s just say, the expelling was beginning.

I went to use the ladies room, and low and behold it was OUT OF ORDER?! You have to know, I don’t’ go as soon as I feel the urge, I wait until the very last possible second. I can’t even tell you why – other than I’m afraid I’ll miss something. I have been that way since I was 3 years old. My own husband will take whatever’s out of my hands and say, “GO!” because I’ve begun to do, “the dance.”

So I walk up, see the sign, and panic. I begin pacing and dancing outside the men’s restroom, but it’s locked too. And this guy must have been in there for at least 10 minutes, and let me say how excited I was to use the facilities after him.

I begin looking at my surroundings to see where I can bolt to. But keep in mind, I’ve already asked a nice gentlemen to watch my stuff in Bux while I step away to use the facilities. That means I’d have to go over there, pack up my stuff and then run for the hills. I have waited too long at this point to do that, so my only choice is to wait.

FINALLY, the guy leaves, I step in, hold my breath and do my business.

I won’t go into any more details other than whoever used it after me was going to hate me.

And guess who was waiting outside the door after me? Yep. Wonder Years boy. And of course I did what any self-respecting adult would do, I blamed it on the guy before me. And of course text my husband what happened. : )

Happy Friday!