are ju married?

I don’t know if my single friends can relate to this, but in a week, how many times are you asked the question in some form or fashion, “Why aren’t you married yet?” I mean seriously, how are you supposed to really answer that?

• “Ummm…not feelin’ it right now.”
  
• “Ask God, see what He says.”
  
• “Loser isn’t really my style.”

And to quote my cousin, which literally made me laugh out loud, and you may not understand, because our family is a little weird, some might even say sick and twisted:

• "I love that question (said with much sarcasm). As if you're supposed to have a reason. Ridiculous. Actually, you should come up with some entirely off the wall response like, 'Because I eat rocks.’ or ‘Because there hasn’t been a full moon on my birthday yet!’ If they ask for an explanation, just shake your head, sigh, and say, ‘You wouldn’t understand.’"
  

I mean, it’s not a, “I want your pity” thing, I’m quite fine where I’m at in life. But I think society thinks if you’re not married by a certain age there must be something wrong with you. Believe me, I’ve had my doubts about myself too…but at the end of the day…you have to believe God has a bigger plan in all this and there’s a reason. And thank God I didn’t get married when I thought I was ready and to who I wanted to marry…Geeze Louise…I’d be in the loony bin by now.

I know I’m not the only that must get annoyed, even MSN put out an article, 19 Things You Should Never Say To A Single Person. And if it’s on the internet, it’s legit! This list included several lovely one-liners that I know we all have heard over the years:

• “There are more fish out in the sea”—really, am I just frequenting the Dead Sea???
  
• “It happens when you’re not looking”—yeah, I call BS on that one…because I’ve met some real winners when I wasn’t looking. And by winners…I mean losers.
  
• “Have you tried online dating?”—oh yes, because online is where people are really honest about themselves.
  
• “But you’re so pretty, why don’t you have a boyfriend?”—is that code for, “it must be her personality.”
  

I mentioned in my previous post that I had a little chat with Maria at McAlister’s last week. She is seriously one of the sweetest people you will ever meet. Although I’m kicking myself for not taking Spanish in high school—I chose French. Really, Ashley?!? So I walked in on Friday, keep in mind I had just come in town from a business trip late Thursday night, so on Friday, I chose super casual day. We always have jeans-day on Friday, but this time around I went for the jeans and flip-flops route. I know…I know…don’t judge me too much. I walk in and she comes and gives me a big hug and seemed surprised to see me dressed liked that.

Ash-a-ley, you look so jung! I harley recnize ju! I mean, so jung! Ju look, I don’t know…so jung! How old are ju?
(laughter) I’m 30
(gasp) Oh my guudness…ju don’t look 30…ju look so jung! Are ju married?
(laughter with cringing) Thank you, but no, I’m not married yet.
(bigger gasp) Ash-a-ley, ju hab to get married and hab chilren, NOW!
(hesitated laughter) I will, I will…
(puts arm around me) No, I’m serrus, ju hab to start habbing chilren…ju are on…well…men day can hab chilren till day are like 80…but ju…no…ju hab to soon. (now has gone off into fully speaking Spanish)
(not making eye contact, uncomfortable with long-lasting side hug) Yes, I know, I know…it will happen.
Ju cannot find a good man?
(now feeling the need to fully embrace her and wimper) No, no I can’t Maria…
It will happen…jes…dis I know…in my hart ub harts…jes…it will happen for ju.
(now fully embracing) Thank you Maria! Thank you! Yes, yes it will!!!!

Hang tight my friends…and I pray you find a Maria to encourage you today! Even if you’re married or single. We all need a little encouragement sometimes! : )

dog-sitting and chick-fil-a

I’ve lost the funny…well…kinda. I don’t think you ever lose it…I just think it gets suppressed sometimes. Anybody feel me?!?!

Unfortunately, no “pretty girl” moments…however, my uncle did text me last week to inform me my previous post was made even funnier by a misspelled word. Instead of saying “spatially-challenged”, I said “specially-challenged” in the first paragraph. Wow...what the power of a couple of letters has to change a word…gotta love it! I didn’t change it…gives the story even more character…right?!?!

And I’ve also had some pretty insightful revelations these past two weeks. Between visits to Chick-fil-a (free Spicy Chicken Sandwich…holla!) and dog-sitting, I have however learned the hard way I am not ready for a family quite yet. Dog-sitting has revealed I don’t like checking in with someone and I don’t like sharing my bed with somebody larger than me…I’m on the right track…ehhh??? And Chick-fil-a…wow…I have anxiety just thinking about it right now. From the moment you walk in the door it’s a Germfest Convention for barefoot two year olds with sticky fingers in there…yikes!

Don’t get me wrong…I can’t wait to meet the man of my dreams, in fact, Britt (roomie) and I were talking about the new song, Airplanes (B.o.B and Paramour chick), that has a line in it that says: "Can we pretend that airplanes in the night sky are like shooting stars because I could really use a wish right now." So in that moment, we saw an airplane and she said, “What’s your wish?” Without even thinking about it, I popped off with, “I wish to be romantically swept off my feet.” She just sat there for a moment and said… “Wow, I really like how you worded that.” So you see, I want what every girl wants, but I know it all happens in the right timing…and well…with other factors…

Dealing with…well I don’t have a lady-like word right now and Mom will STILL wash my mouth out with soap...let’s just say dealing with less than gentle-manly men has made me even more firey and ferociously passionate about praying in godly men. Between run-ins with Gym Boy (BTW I deleted that post for reasons I may share at some point) and some very real and honest conversations with others has made me realize there are way too many godly girls out there…WAY TOO MANY…who are single and have their junk together but have yet to meet an equally-yoked match, and unfortunately, they are not here yet. I do not mean that as a slam to my guy friends, but it’s just strictly a numbers thing, the good girls out-number the good guys. So what that means is it’s my/our duty to pull out some James 5:16 and deal with the issue by praying the good ones in or the bad ones good...more on that at a later date...and no, I am not endorsing "missionary dating" so go ahead and put the tomahawk down. :)

Right now God has me in a completely different season, and as much as it cringes me to say, I’m sure somewhere down the road I will be a part of the Germfest Convention at Chick-fil-a. In the mean time…I shall enjoy the drive-thru and preparing myself for that day…it’s gonna take a lot of prayer, mental preparation and anti-bacterial for this OCD girl…

PS: Post coming soon from my run-in with Maria at McAlisters’s (yes, I know them by name just as much as they know me by name): “Ash-a-ley…why aren’t jew married?!?! Jew hab to hurry and hab chillren…are jew taking jour bitamins?!?!”

spatially-challenged

I don’t think I’ve mentioned I’m specially-challenged. That’s a nice way of saying I’m not very good at parking.

I drive great…well…maybe a little too fast as stated before…but the only problem I seem to have…and this has been a problem since day one of driving, is parking. I don’t know what it is…but I get panicky if the other person is over the line, touching the line or even an inch too close to the line. I have gotten myself “stuck” a time or two. Now one might ask, “How in the world do you get yourself stuck?” I’m not really sure I can answer that. All I know, my sister has been called a time or two to come get me out of the pickle I’ve gotten myself in to. I’ll play it out for you, so you can experience the emotions…

This particular instance happened in the Target parking lot. PS by the way, women there have been known to steal parking spots…gotta watch your back…just sayin. So one Sunday afternoon I decided to pop by Target and pick up a few things. I pull in the parking lot…and there is a prime spot right by the door. This said spot has a curb on one side and only one car on the other. That means I only have one car to worry about. The person is angled and a little too close to the line…but I attempt anyway. I start pulling in and then begin to panic I’ve cut it too short. So I start to back out and start over, but the way I’ve angled myself in there, it looks like I’m about to side swipe the car next to mine, hop the curb and possibly hit the car behind me. How you ask, I’m not really sure. Right about this time is when the heart rate increases, blood pressure rises, palms start sweating and I panic. It’s really quite silly. I call my sister, who has just lain down for a nap, and after begging and bribery, make her come help me. In the mean time, I am half way in/half way out of this parking place and people are staring. Some think I’m backing out, so they wait for me to get the spot, I have to wave them on. Others are waiting to walk behind, again I have to wave them on. Then others are just staring and pointing. Lovely. This is when I pretend I’m on a very important phone call…don’t judge…you know you’ve done it too, especially when you see someone in public you don’t want to talk to.

Finally Allyson comes, directs me and I get in the spot. She didn’t even say two words. It was all hand motion and of course eye-rolling. I get in the spot, she gets back in her car and I enjoy the rest of my afternoon in Target.

“she’s a pretty girl”